three top things that get choked on: dick, tortilla chips, and spicy burritos.– drunk hon
babies trailer →
FOUND IT. for me, n jazz, and super cute babies everywhere.
Advanced Criminal Law
Abed: Troy can do the school song. Troy invented rap music and he’s related to Danny Glover and President Obama.
Shirley: Abed, have you been racist this whole time, while I’m telling everyone at church what a sweet little caramel angel you are?
The neon and black buffalo check has got to stop.
jackiejormpjomp: IT’S GOT TO STOP.
WORKIN' ON MAH NIGHT CHEESE!
you can’t be gay for just one person… unless you’re a lady,...– liz lemon
They recently made a porn movie, this is true, about Sarah Palin, and then the...– Tiny Fey at Ad Council dinner, with Sarah Palin in attendance. (via New York Times) (via soupsoup) (via sarahchristine) (via tristn) (via ginandphonics) (via symbiosis) (via estnespes)
paula deen just spanked a raw turkey
he got “fresh” with her when she got some stuffing on her shirt. i love this woman.
There may come a day, as I say, when you have cause to sing this song. I hope...– John Darnielle introducing No Children at The Middle East Downstairs in Cambridge, MA, 9.26.06. (via fuckyeahthemountaingoats)
I love that Dexter is "filmed" in Miami..
maeby: and I live there.. so I notice when things are called “Bayside Club” when it should be called “Ocean Club” (Theres no bay there dick cheese ..its the mother fucking OCEAN) it’s filmed in mah home town! wasn’t it right next to you once zoe? i need to meet michael c hall one of these days. csi: miami is filmed in long beach too!
matthewsanger: somebody put boba all over my car and its really freaking hard to get it off when the sun dries it. FUCK YOU! omg give me this vindictive ho’s fbook link, no one messes with the 4runner.
i never take the high road, but i often tell people to… so there’s...– tom, parks and recreation
I’ve been Skinny; it’s fucking boring.– Kate Winslet (via misswallflower) (via littlebat) (via booklover) (via jackiejormpjomp)
flounder, don’t be such a guppie.– okay i’m done i promise.
Do not use “Whoomp! There it is!” unless it actually is there.– Fake Ap Stylebook